s.e. smith

Many people with evident physical impairments — like those that require the use of mobility devices — encounter rude questions from nondisabled people on the regular. Those with chronic illnesses and other impairments that might not always be immediately obvious certainly come in for their share as well. Sometimes it feels like we should be selling tickets to the freak show.

If you want to explore various aspects of kink — or whatever you want to call it — there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, and it can be fun and one way to build rich, fulfilling relationships.

When we talk about disabled people having awesome sex lives, sometimes something dehumanizing creeps into the mix: Some (usually nondisabled) people profess an "attraction to disability." What they mean is they find disabled bodies — not disabled people — sexually stimulating. That means seeing your body as a sexual object. If that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up, you're not alone.

Sex and sexuality can be tough to navigate no matter what, but it can be more challenging when your brain's wiring is different from that of your partners. It's important to establish from the outset that there's nothing "wrong" with you if you have mental illness, autism, or any number of other developmental, intellectual, or cognitive disabilities. You are who you are, and who you are is great! But it can make things a little snarly sometimes if you miss cues, get overwhelmed by your anxiety, or encounter people who think you're vulnerable and want to take advantage of you.

Before getting sexy with other people, it may help to get to know your own body — although it's not required— and a lot of the disabled youth I talk to haven't had the opportunity! They're not sure which sensations they like, how their bodies feel when they're excited, what they definitely don't like, and how to handle the physical mechanics of pleasure. Nondisabled people sometimes assume masturbation is a snap, but for some of us, it can be more challenging. That doesn't mean it's impossible.

Being disabled doesn't mean you can't have a rewarding and awesome sex life.

This piece is part of Rebel Well: a Starter Survival Guide to a Trumped America for Teens and Emerging Adults. What makes the desert beautiful,’ said the little prince, ‘is that somewhere it hides a well... ― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince Almost 20 years ago, young people found me and...

Under a Trump administration many Americans, especially the most vulnerable, are going to hurt and struggle. Many of us need to protect ourselves; all of us need to help protect and care for each other. Here's an extensive guide to help you do both.

This piece is part of Rebel Well: a Starter Survival Guide to a Trumped America for Teens and Emerging Adults . There are safe places in the world, and there are good things, many within easy reach. Go to or spend time in the safe places. Think about and seek out the good things you value and love...

This piece is part of Rebel Well: a Starter Survival Guide to a Trumped America for Teens and Emerging Adults. 1 800-Runaway: www.1800runaway.org ACLU: www.aclu.org Anti-Defamation League: www.adl.org Asian-Americans Advancing Justice: www.advancingjustice-aajc.org Black Lives Matter: www...