working it out

I want to get something basic and important sorted first: there's never a healthy way to "get" anyone to have sex with us when they don't want to. Someone either wants to be sexual with us or they don't, and when they don't, that's something we just need to accept, not try and change. If and when we...

frenchiemathwhiz's question continued: I was standing by him because I've freaked out about stuff before, and I thought he was there for me. But apparently not. Anyway, we were each other's first sexual partners—vaginal, oral, etc. I'm moving to a new city and a new job in a few weeks (something I...

Hey there, Dan. I'd never assume someone is dumb (including when someone is a young, a guy, or without a house, car or a job), nor do I think that having strong feelings for someone means a person is dumb. It sounds like you've had a pretty watershed emotional experience with this person, and...

Based on everything I know and have learned working in sex and relationships for many years, people don't tend to have or sustain healthy relationships when they do big things for or with partners they don't also want to do and feel good about themselves. Taking out the garbage, doing the dishes...

The big emotion that comes through what you've written here isn't love or loyalty. It's anger. Big, big anger, in giant waves, in what you're saying and in how you've said it. There is so much here -- far more, I think, than your boyfriend using porn, or what's in the porn he's looking at -- that a...

Intimacy is often awkward. And that isn't a bad thing. In some ways, I'd even say it's always awkward, in the sense that it's never really something that's exactly easy, especially when we're just starting to get intimate with someone, rather than when we have been for a long time. Getting and being...

You are not responsible for a parent having an idea about who you are that's about who you have been as a child, who they seem like they might want you to be, or who they think you are but are not anymore, and may -- and in this case, probably -- never have been. I hear you expressing what sounds...

Before I say anything else, I want to make sure you know how typical it is to not reach orgasm from vaginal intercourse for receptive partners. I don't want to reinvent the wheel here since we've addressed this a lot, so I'll just give you basics on that, followed by some links if you want more...

Feeling unhappy in or unsure about your relationship? Having problems you don't know how to work through, or don't even know if you should? We'll talk you through making these choices, including how-to's on conflict resolution and doing breakups better.

It certainly sounds like this isn't a good sexual relationship for you, and perhaps hasn't been throughout. I'm not surprised you're feeling dissatisfied, and not surprised you find yourself experiencing anger and resentment around your sex life in this relationship. It sounds not only like your...