Series

Disabled Sex Yes!

s.e. smith

This is not the be-all-end-all guide to sex⁠ and disability because a) it's not, and b) there just can't ever be such a thing with any guide to sex. This series, much like your entire sexual⁠ life, is a work in progress and an endless, ongoing conversation. We hope this can be a good place for you to get started, and something that starts you on the path of good feelings about sex and your disability.

Sex and disability aren't often heard in the same sentence, and when they are, there tends to be a lot of sideways glancing and nervous giggling. After all, disabled people aren't sexual, right?

Wrongity wrong wrong! (Except for the ones who aren't, but that's not because they're disabled.)

Disabled people have bodies, and many people with bodies enjoy being sexual with them, because it feels good, it's fun, it allows them to get closer to other humans, or they just want to give it a whirl and see what all the fuss is about. Like other people with bodies, you have autonomy⁠ , which includes the right to decide if, when, and how you have sex and engage in other activities.

One of the things I hear most frequently from disabled youth is that they're super interested in sex, but have no idea where to go. They feel like everyone's going to make fun of them for wanting to explore their sexuality. I call bull on that — wanting to get sexual isn't weird or gross just because you have a disability, and you can totally have a rewarding, rich, awesome sex life if you're disabled – no matter what sex looks like to you and how many people are involved. We're going to explore sex and disability in this ongoing series, because when people do admit that maybe disabled people might like to have sex, they often don't provide any information about how this whole thing is supposed to work, and that's no good at all.

Articles in this series

Disabled Sex Yes!

s.e. smith

Being disabled doesn't mean you can't have a rewarding and awesome sex life.

Taking Your Body for a Ride: Masturbation and Disability

s.e. smith

Before getting sexy with other people, it may help to get to know your own body — although it's not required— and a lot of the disabled youth I talk to haven't had the opportunity! They're not sure which sensations they like, how their bodies feel when they're excited, what they definitely don't like, and how to handle the physical mechanics of pleasure. Nondisabled people sometimes assume masturbation is a snap, but for some of us, it can be more challenging. That doesn't mean it's impossible.

Disabled Sex: Sex for Two (or More)

s.e. smith

Disabled people are often nervous when they set out into the world of partnered sex. Because it's such a taboo subject, they may not know where to start, since they've rarely heard people affirming the right to sexual autonomy for disabled people, or providing information about how to have safe, fun, loving, saucy, steamy, great sex while disabled.

Consent Is Sexy: Sexual Autonomy and Disability

s.e. smith

We all know that consent can be sexy — and also that navigating sexual consent can be tricky. Sometimes, disability makes it more complicated, so it's important to take some time out to talk about that as you explore the world of dating and sexuality through the disability lens.

Sex on the Brain: Sex and Autism, Mental Illness, and Other Cognitive Diversity

s.e. smith

Sex and sexuality can be tough to navigate no matter what, but it can be more challenging when your brain's wiring is different from that of your partners. It's important to establish from the outset that there's nothing "wrong" with you if you have mental illness, autism, or any number of other developmental, intellectual, or cognitive disabilities. You are who you are, and who you are is great! But it can make things a little snarly sometimes if you miss cues, get overwhelmed by your anxiety, or encounter people who think you're vulnerable and want to take advantage of you.

Your Body is Not a Sex Object: Devotees and Disability

s.e. smith

When we talk about disabled people having awesome sex lives, sometimes something dehumanizing creeps into the mix: Some (usually nondisabled) people profess an "attraction to disability." What they mean is they find disabled bodies — not disabled people — sexually stimulating. That means seeing your body as a sexual object. If that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up, you're not alone.

Wheelchair, Bound? Kink and Disability

s.e. smith

If you want to explore various aspects of kink — or whatever you want to call it — there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, and it can be fun and one way to build rich, fulfilling relationships.

I Beg Your Pardon? Dealing with Rude Nondisableds

s.e. smith

Many people with evident physical impairments — like those that require the use of mobility devices — encounter rude questions from nondisabled people on the regular. Those with chronic illnesses and other impairments that might not always be immediately obvious certainly come in for their share as well. Sometimes it feels like we should be selling tickets to the freak show.